Chow Mein

My favorite chow mein is the kind that comes from Panda Express. Especially the Panda Express in the mall. There's just something about mall food, something magical and delicious. I think that part of the wonder is that for three times what you would pay at a restaurant outside the mall, you get dinner and a show. 

People-watching, my friends. If you haven't tried it, you're really missing out. The mall is a prime people-watching spot, especially if you have a chipped plastic tray of food in front of you. I love to observe all the crazies around me, wandering in public wearing purple leather pants and a sequined bikini top. Or those special ones who have enough facial hair to donate a whole wig to Locks of Love. It's even better when both of these things are combined on a single person, and if you think I'm joking, well...I'm happy you're unwilling to imagine a world like this, because I have seen this world, and it is decidedly unattractive. 

You might have guessed from my ramblings about noodles that I'm dancing around the real topic I need to be talking about, which would be anything relevant and important in my life, like why I dropped out of school. Of course you've guessed that, actually, because how many times has someone started talking to you about their Chinese food habits and you've said to yourself, "Clearly, she means to say something about college and major life decisions"? I know it's happened to me on several occasions. But then again, my mind is a dark and scary jungle. 

Gah, cannot focus. I don't really know where to start, actually. I'm....not used to being sincere. I hate being sincere. If I try and talk about something without making it into a big joke then I get so very earnest and nostalgic and it's just a pitiful mess and I probably make my readers cringe enough without throwing in their faces an angst filled entry that sounds like an excerpt from the journal of a gothic tween. 

Anyway, I decided to leave school because I was very, very unhappy with my life. I hated the town, I hated my classes, I hated "the bubble", I hated that one weird fish girl. I felt like I was drowning because my own moral compass seemed so wildly misaligned with the standards up there. I discovered that the social doctrine many of my peers subscribed to was one that I was incredibly uncomfortable with. Being in an environment where the social doctrine, instead of the actual doctrine, of the church was law for so many people was toxic to me. 

I felt rebellious and out of control of my life. Anxiety was my constant companion and there were literally days when I never got out of bed, because I was afraid the tiniest little thing would make me lose it completely. Scattered in amongst all this was silly boy drama. I started skipping classes and not taking tests, and it got to a point where I asked myself, "If I'm not going to go to college then...why am I going to college?"

And when I couldn't come up with an answer, I packed my bags and came home. 

Wait, I'm sorry, did that long winded explanation actually answer very few of your questions? That's ironic, because it's answered very few of mine, too. Am I going to go back to school? Yes, but definitely not that one. Well, which one then? Good question. I'll have to get back to you on that one. Well, when are you planning on going back? Don't really have an answer yet. Well, what are you going to do in the meantime? Shoot, you stumped me again. Well, where are you going to live, at home or at your own place? It remains to be seen. Well, do you have a job? Nope, for various reasons I'm not going to detail here. Well.....hmmm. 

Yes, hmmm. But lest you think I'm coming apart at the seams...well, actually, I kind of am coming apart at the seams. *sigh* Never fear though, I bet that in a pinch I will find I have an innate talent for selling sunglasses at Venice Beach. 

Thank you, though, for your support and understanding and lack of judgement. And if you're one of those people reading this entry who actually aren't filled with support and understanding and lack of judgement, then...I don't care, really. I'm kind of tired of talking about this, but if you have further questions, feel free to email me. Even though I am an angry, bitter, *insert swear word here*, I promise I will respond in a legitimate way and will not bite your head off. 

I had a really good conclusion here, but when I tried to post the first time, everything went to hell and this part of the entry was lost in cyberspace. And I'm too lazy to try again. It went something like this: will try and get back to the basics of being me and stop talking about my feeeeeeeelings all the time blah blah blah something else blah blah chicken joke. 

So, um, yeah. Everyone leave a comment of a funny and mildly (or wildy, I'm not picky) inappropriate joke and I promise the very next post will be the story of the devil and Jerry Garcia.